A reading list for eldest daughters | Reads With Friends

Thoughtful eldest daughter book recommendations: from self-love and sisterhood to being a child of immigrants

May 23, 2025

I’m delighted to welcome

from Sundaze Book Café as this month’s guest author! Her publication feels like the perfect Sunday afternoon, with joyful living and conversations likely to be had over a hot drink with a friend in a café.

What first drew me to her work was her series of essays on eldest daughter syndrome, with all its beauty and struggles. Whilst I’m an only child myself, I was struck by how relatable, personal, and insightful Michelle’s writing is. She is also such a lovely, kind person, and I am very grateful to collaborate with her.

After her thoughtful contribution to my ‘What my friends are reading this spring’ post last month, Michelle returns to Reads With Alicia with a thoughtful roundup of book recommendations for eldest daughters.

Life as an eldest daughter is certainly unique. At one turn, you’re a capable and considered one-time kid. At another, you’re trying to retain some magic of youth while parenting your own siblings, parenting your own parents, working unpaid as a translator, cooking family meals, juggling problem-solving for the whole family, and trying to keep up with your own personal, social and professional lives. Eldest daughter life isn’t for the faint-hearted, that’s for sure.

Amidst my own eldest daughter chaos, I found immense solace in books and reading as a child. When I brought books home from primary school, my immigrant parents would do the seemingly impossible: they’d pause, put down tools, and listen to me read aloud. Before long, these 30 minutes where my parents weren’t distracted by endless takeaway-owner tasks would become the best part of my week. Since deepening my reading experience in my late twenties and early thirties–can I call myself early thirties at 34?!–I’ve slowly realised that although I read for pleasure and often escapism, I also read to puzzle-piece fragments of my identity into place. Here, as a result, is a short reading list for my fellow eldest daughters. I hope you find a part of yourself here.

1. The Good Immigrant by Nikesh Shukla (editor)

Perhaps this was the first book I read where I started to feel seen in literature. As a British-born Chinese woman, like-for-like representation is few and far between, and I almost never see my community represented in British media. In The Good Immigrant, through 21 essays, I finally began to puzzle-piece together the immigrant parts of myself and find a sense of belonging, knowing that I wasn’t the only person to feel othered, to be made to feel like I had to work harder to be on the same playing field as my white peers, and even to juggle the British parts of myself with the Chinese parts like a hot potato. What I loved most was that reading about others’ immigrant experiences eased the pressures I’ve always felt in being the eldest daughter in an immigrant family.

2. Daughter of the Moon Goddess by Sue Lynn Tan

Fantasy has been one of my favourite genres since I was a child, and discovering Daughter of the Moon Goddess was nothing short of a miracle. Set in a fantastical folkloric world inspired by the Chinese moon goddess and amidst the backdrop of one of my favourite Chinese mythical tales, Tan draws a captivating world where Xingyin has grown up on the moon, hidden from the Celestial Emperor for something her mother did. When her magic suddenly flares, she is forced to flee by cloud travel, leaving her mother behind. This story brims with magic, romance, familial values and honour, daughterly duties and beyond. For me, it helped me to understand why I am the way I am, but also to relish and appreciate my role as a daughter.

3. The Surprising Power of a Good Dumpling by Wai Chim

Mental health has long been taboo in East Asian culture, and so The Surprising Power of a Good Dumpling by Wai Chim has stood out to me for years for its frank, warm and informative focus on maternal mental health. Aside from its excellent name, this book reminded me to keep YA lit in my orbit because they are often filled with themes that will define and teach our future generations. I read this in the summer of 2020 (yikes) and touted it a book ‘I wish I’d read when I was 15’. Anna is the eldest daughter, busied with the tasks of being the eldest in a Chinese family—looking after her siblings and helping at the restaurant. Her mother appears to be suffering with her mental health, and life is going at 100mph. Through a classic boy-meets-girl plot line and placing Anna firmly in a part-time job at her parents’ restaurant, Chim deftly crafts a story for Chinese diaspora everywhere. I felt deeply those moments of shame when classmates recognised me from the takeaway, or the spotlight-embarrassment of being singled out for a parent’s behaviour. On top of that, this cosy novel delves easily, unabashedly into a frank discussion of mental illness and how culture mingles with it. Rather than dance around the edges, Chim ploughs into the darkest parts and throws wide open the issue of mental health in the Chinese community. Issues of not feeling enough in a majority white country, feeling like a burden to English-speaking members of the family, language barriers.

4. In Five Years by Rebecca Serle

I remember picking this book up expecting a light-hearted love story, and what I got was a captivating, contemporary romance novel with a big twist. Dannie is on the brink of getting engaged. Her career is off to a flying start and at her interview, she’s asked ‘where do you see yourself in five years?’ She doesn’t miss a beat when she shares her response. (Can’t relate, to be honest!) However that evening, a newly-engaged Dannie wakes up in a different apartment, with a different man and different ring, seemingly five years in the future. In just 272 pages, Serle sweeps us up into an poignant examination of women’s experiences in life, love, work and friendship. I thoroughly enjoyed In Five Years in ways I can’t quite pinpoint. The magnitude of the topics explored is huge and sweeping—there’s a lot packed in—and yet the author tackles them brilliantly. One that captures the equally sweeping life and times of over-achieving, over-planning eldest daughters everywhere.

5. Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen

I love the way that Austen wrote women, and particularly sisters. With love and marriage the central thread of this classic, sisterhood and self-growth run in harmony alongside it in Sense and Sensibility. Marianne Dashwood has her head in the clouds and her heart on her sleeve, while Elinor is more serious-minded and sensitive. Austen writes a great character and she brings the eldest daughter / big sister role to life excellently.

Alicia’s favourite posts by Michelle

Thank you once again

Michelle

for this wonderful reading list for eldest daughters! The Good Immigrant and The Surprising Power of a Good Dumpling in particular have been on my TBR for a while, and I’m happy Michelle reminded me about them. Here are some of my favourite essays by Michelle:

‘On Reading Taste’ (I’m always curious how people choose books to read, and in this essay, Michelle offers an intimate peek into the books she reaches for)
‘Tiny Librarian Life’ (Michelle is a steward of her local Little Free Library, which I think is the coolest thing ever, and here, she shares the process and beauty of becoming a steward)
‘Crying at Crazy Rich Asians’ (a wonderful piece on why media representation is so important)
‘Ending A Friendship Rather Than A Friendship Ending Me’ (friendships, especially as an adult, are so delicate, and Michelle writes about the heartbreaking end of friendships with such intimacy and sensitivity)
‘The Last Time’ (I so loved Michelle’s personal essay on transitioning into a new stage of her life, including grappling with moving out as an eldest daughter)

Say hi to Michelle and I!

Are you an eldest daughter, or do you relate to any of the struggles? Tell us in the comments:

How did your birth order shape who you are now, including if you’re an only child?
Which books have made you feel seen and heard in your family dynamics?
Have any books surprised you recently, like when Michelle read In Five Years?